just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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