just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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