All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is my gift to your gina
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
