Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
