she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
