Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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