Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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