Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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