You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You are a genius and a whore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
