I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
