Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero

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(630): View more from Illinois

She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

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(480): View more from Arizona

He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again

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(847): View more from Illinois

just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

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(360): View more from Washington

i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know

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(828): View more from North Carolina

i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches

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(626): View more from California

Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.

(1-626): View more from California

This is why you don't have nice things.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway

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(219): View more from Indiana

btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...

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