Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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