Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A+ Viking dick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
