so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
