i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
