since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
