she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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