He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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