Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
