So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
