it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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