ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
