I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
