I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
