Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
