I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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