im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
