she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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