Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
