Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
