I'd wear matching sweaters with you
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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