Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
