Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
