i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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