She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
PANTIES FOUND
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