I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
