Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
