My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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