No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
