It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
two words: eviction party
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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