Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
