you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We have started to decorate penises.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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