Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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