is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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