if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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