I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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