We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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