I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
