I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
two words: eviction party
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize