if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
