is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You smell like stripper and shame
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
