I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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