Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
