my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
