lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
