hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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