We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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