I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
