i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
