cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
honey bunches of taint.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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