fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
