I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
