Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty