I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?