So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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