hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
