If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
