I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
