dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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