So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
