Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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