i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
