Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
