try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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