Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
