at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
