If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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