Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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