Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize