Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
