Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize