so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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