I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
