why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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